He's the Lover of my soul ♥

WAH. why did i even think of blogging now only? so long since i expressed my thoughts! no wonder i talk all over the place now n cant hold a conversation properly isit?? but NOT ANYMORE! because now im blogging again n i hope it can help me organise my thoughts better.. but after this post like i am gonna post more often like thaaat! so look forward to my next like 2 years from now! hahah :P i talk as if immm soooo popular everyone wants ta read my bloggg. hahah yea right barbara, always so full of urselff. heheh!

HAD THE CRAZIEST DREAM LAST NIGHT.

( in dramas when people say this line the camera will turn to the sky n have tt dreamy soundd. OK PPL LETS IMAGINE THAT!) hahah. but how i wish it was real!! so now, u know that its gonna be a nice story!! maybe for non third parties only lah. heheh.

I had a car ride home after churchh. and that car ride home was from J.!! he offered to send me homee like right to my doorstep! ( which nvr happened beforee ARGH.) so ya i took his offer as mention in my first sentencee. hahah. while i was in his car, he suddenly said something like " dont you regret not telling me your feelings? you always had the chance but why didnt you? now This is ur chance to say it." ok i guess my heart was beating fastt but i cant tell in dreams! then we stopped at the traffic light and his good friend D. walked pass and teased both of us and said," J. finally got an oppurtunity to tell her ayeee? all the best to you!" and walks awayy. In my dream, i knew that J. likes me. But i didnt say a wordd i was too happy i was speechlesss! hahah. So i reached my housee, and after awhile later i texted him and told him my feelings. i was so happy that i wanted to tell my mother REAL LIFE. so i woke up! and i realised IT WAS ONLYY JUST A DREEEAAAM! hahah. U know i realy dont mind just dreaming about it n whats gonna happen next than doing it real life. i dont wanna break hearts.

Im so disappointed in myselff! and i was even sleeping with K's hoodie! like seriously a cheater! well, got my valuess so i dont do it real life, only in my dreamss. hahah.

To my cute little macho sexy K. u know who you are! heheh. hope ure not angry with me! if u read this! but u wontt see this post cos u think that my blog is dead because u are like my blog noww. heheh! but i doubt you wna hear this! hahah. so this blog is still useful! hehehe :P ew, hate being so giggly virtually. i dont even do it real life! SO ACT CUTE. EW. hahah

K./ piyooo maybe if i knew u long enough you could erase everything i have in the past. Because you're the best that i can get. You impacted my life so muchh. i could speak my heart out to youu. you're not like any other guy. ( maybe you gay?!) hahah. :P i could be myself when im w you. you love me for my annoyingness and u could tolerate my nonsense. i feel like crying this is too touching already!! hahah. but fine, cos ure just as annoying and childish as me. Hope you dont change dont be not annoying and not childish! u must accompany me! okok?? heheh. Bet J. wouldnt tolerate me for nuts also. hai, shouldnt hv said how good you are to me! PANTANG PANTANG. later the opposite happen. IT WONT! *cross all my fingers!* I LOVE YOU MY LITTLE CUTE PIYOO! Let's live day by day being happy n not care whats gna happen tmr! <3 <3 <3

N u just told me at 10.04pm "i will take care of you, dont worry" AWW! hahah! ok cannot be too touched over that. 3/4 is sweet talk. 1/4 still sweet talk! hahah. he said this cos i cant open a can of tuna and he insulted me tt i can't take care of myself. stupid boiboi. i still love you for being mean to me! eheheh.

WARNING: THIS IS A DAMN FREAKING EMO POST.

The fact that we only didnt meet for one day. kept my mind spinning and thinking only about the C word.

The fact that i let my guard down so many times because i always thought that a new beginning would be a light out of the tunnel.
But the new beginnings i have, always have a lousy ending.
and surprisingly, half of me says that im numbed to the same thing over and over again, so its ok to keep trying. Finding new beginnings.
But the other half says that i should never let my guard down. Fearful that things would be worse than a lousy ending. Thats why, i thought that flings would be a better option. no beginning, no lousy ending and no light out of the tunnel.

i would never learn how to love myself and others. and i hope someone would teach me how to.

HI AGAIN MY DEAD AND LIFELESS BLOGGGG... hahaha. erm; i know i suppose to be studying.. but omg, how can blogging ever compare to law pls.. hehe..

I dislike people who dont give a shit when i talk to them and tell them what interesting thing happen to me today. n they seriously just dont give a shit. like as if im talking to a wall a dead person and myself. yes i know im boring.. but you would be interested if you love me. ok end of story before people dont give a shit again.

Eating Kuih bahulu my popo bought from M'sia ytd, almost pespiring in the
kitchen and using my dad's laopok laptop at 2.30am, shall b my new found life style!!! like quite fun ah. u all should try it someday! :D hahaha no lah, pulling ur into my trap so tt i got ppl to talk to at this time. LOL! dont ask why im still up. no reason. :P

If my terappin join animal modelling contest ahh, IT CONFIRM WIN ONE LOR. HHAHA :D

THERE EVIDENCE HEHE
wah act lion king only. LOL

PIYO,
im looking for somebody i can call boo,
looking for the only one i can give my all to,
tell me if its you you you,
what you gonna do do do,
make ya movee <3

Everytime i see his face in lecture, my whole life becomes exciting againn.. hahaha! ok, so hua chi! my gourd.. but i was thinking, if i really got together with him, i wouldn't see him as my husband in future. So, what's the point of being together, to already know and confirm that this whole love cycle would end..? Sad huh. :( but i still want to know you pew pew! <3

Or maybe i think that way because im still immature. HELLO?! 19 already, still think like 16 yrs old. screw myself. But pew pew isnt any better i guess.. hhaha!!!

Oh yes, living in my own mad world..

To my used to be another half,
I still think of you everynow n then, we used to always bump into each other in school, till God heard my prayer n answered it. hehehee.
Maybe you're a blessing in disguise because whenever i feel sad n angry angsty depressed, somehow or rather, your twit would cheer me up. Isit by mere coincidence that my twits are linked to yours, or did you deliberately do it? You're fueling the curiousity in me..
you know, if you dont fancy me anymore (cos love is too strong a word for you, you dont use it until you find yourself a wife), dont show wrong signals alright? Dont hold on anymore, if you still are, move on. Move on with me. Like that, we would be happier people. :D
The memories with you still haunt me every single day i wake up..like a nightmare but only being awake.
and sometimes i think, do the memories still haunt you? do you still think of me? do you want to like another girl, but you find it hard because you still hold on to what we used to share?
be honest with me.
I wrote on twit "when im kissin you my senses come alive" i was just being random, but at the very corner of my heart, i was referring t you. and the next day you wrote, "when im kissing you it all start making sense.." maybe its just coincidence. But you deleted that post a few hours later... so i guess its not? or youre referring to someone else? :( but anyhooo, yeah! good! dont give the wrong signal when you're sure of us splitting. :)
K, back to studying business finance.

"Its like toally deleting you off my contact list, off my everything.."
"I know what i want now, its pewpew." hahaha! :P :P :P :P